There have been hundreds – maybe thousands – of movies made in the history of cinema. And yet, only a fraction of those movies have memorable dialogue – lines that inspire us or make us laugh – lines with insights that grab our attention and make us say “wow.” These are the quotes that linger with us long after we leave the movie theater and the name of the movie fades in our minds.

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Posted under Movies

Hollywood is a vicious place: if you don’t have a pointed tongue and a wit to match that of Oscar Wilde, you might as well have ‘DUNCE’ tattooed on your forehead. Selecting the very best movie insults was an arduous task as there’s simply so many to consider. What makes a great movie insult? Swearing will bump you up a few notches but only if used correctly – profanity should be used sparingly and imaginatively. Personal jibes always go down well, particularly about one’s weight or mother. But what makes a really winning movie insult is whether it can be used by the everyman. Feel free to roll out any of the following twenty withering put-downs in everyday situations and wait for the kudos to roll in.

20. DODGEBALL (2004)
The insulter: Patches O’Houlihan (Rip Torn)
The situation: The eccentric Dodgeball coach gives his team a halftime pep talk and doesn’t sugar-coat his instructions. Average Joe’s will be average no longer.
The insult: ”Will someone please catch a goddamn ball? It’s like watching a bunch of retards trying to fuck a doorknob out there!”
Why it rules: Paints quite a picture, doesn’t it?

19. WHITE MEN CAN’T JUMP (1992)
The insulter: Sidney Deane (Wesley Snipes)
The situation: Trash-talking on the basketball court, a number of ‘yo momma’ jokes are thrown around but this one really sticks.
The insult: “I seen your mother kicking a can down the street. I said ‘What you doin’?’ and she said ‘Moving’”
Why it rules: Nothing cuts to the bone like a ‘yo momma’ joke.

18. THE WAY OF THE GUN (2000)
The insulter: Mr. Parker (Ryan Philippe)
The situation: The reserved-yet-deadly criminal for hire gets involved in a slanging match outside a club with a bar patron and his bitch girlfriend.
The insult: “Shut that cunt’s mouth or I’ll come over there and fuckstart her head!”
Why it rules: The c-word always wins an argument (especially when directed at a girl).

17. O BROTHER, WHERE ART THOU? (2000)
The insulter: Ulysses Everett McGill (George Clooney)
The situation: Escaped convict Ulysses can no longer hide his contempt for his two dim-witted partners.
The insult: “You two are just dumber than a bag of hammers.”
Why it rules: Is there any instrument duller than the hammer? Exactly.

16. JAY AND SILENT BOB STRIKE BACK (2001)
The insulter: Jay (Jason Mewes)
The situation: Upon discovering an internet post flaming his new movie, the stoner decides to retort in his own inimitable style.
The insult: “All you motherfuckers are gonna pay. You are the ones who are the ball-lickers. We’re gonna fuck your mothers while you watch and cry like little whiny bitches. Once we get to Hollywood and find those Miramax fucks who are making that movie, we’re gonna make ‘em eat our shit, then shit out our shit, then eat their shit which is made up of our shit that we made ‘em eat. Then all you motherfuckers are next. Love, Jay and Silent Bob.”
Why it rules: You know you’ve read stuff like that on the internet before.

15. THE DEPARTED (2006)
The insulter: Sergeant Dignam (Mark Wahlberg)
The situation: The Boston Police Force set up a stakeout and Dignam gets a little pissed with the attitude of the tech geeks they hired to wire the place up.
The insult: “I’m the guy that does his job. You must be the other guy.”
Why it rules: It’s just one of a slew of insults from Dignam’s acid-tipped tongue. Fuckin’ A.

14. POINT BREAK (1991)
The insulter: Agent Antonio Pappas (Gary Busey)
The situation: The FBI agent reminds a cocksure Keanu Reeves that he’s been around the block a few times.
The insult: “I was taking shrapnel in Khe Sanh when you were crapping in your hands and rubbing it on your face!”
Why it rules: Keanu Reeves totally did that as a kid.

13. WAYNE’S WORLD (1992)
The insulter: Garth Algar (Dana Carvey)
The situation: The straggly-haired rocker convinces Kurt Fuller’s lackey that his TV producer boss is a douchebag.
The insult: “Benjamin is nobody’s friend. If Benjamin were an ice cream flavour, he’d be pralines and dick.”
Why it rules: Imaginative and disgusting – no one would eat ice cream flavoured like pralines.

12. ROXANNE (1987)
The insulter: C.D. ‘Charlie’ Bales (Steve Martin)
The situation: Colossaly-conked Charlie is challenged to think of twenty insults better than ‘Big Nose’. This is the best of the bunch, but “When you stop to smell the flowers, are they afraid?” runs it a close second.
The insult: “Is that your nose or did a bus park on your face?”
Why it rules: It reminds us of when Steve Martin was funny.

11. THE LAST BOY SCOUT (1991)
The insulter: Joseph ‘Joe’ Hallenback (Bruce Willis)
The situation: When confronted by a street thug, Hallenback defaults to comedy mode to distract him (before smacking him up something neat).
The insult: “Your wife’s so fat I had to roll her in flour and look for the wet spot. If you wanna fuck her, you gotta slap her thigh and ride the wave in.”
Why it rules: No one writes barbed put-downs like Shane Black (see also #7).

10. NATIONAL LAMPOON’S CHRISTMAS VACATION (1989)
The insulter: Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase)
The situation: Not having a happy holidays, Clark reveals his Christmas wish would be to tell his boss the following tirade.
The insult: “You cheap, lying, no good, rotten, floor flushing, low life, snake licking, dirt eating, inbred, over-stuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fatass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spineless, worm-headed sack of monkey shit!”
Why it rules: We’ve all wanted to call our boss an asshole, but this is taking it to the next level.

9. ANCHORMAN (2004)
The insulter: Ron Burgundy (Will Ferrell)
The situation: Ron and his female co-anchor Veronica Corningstone trade insults on the newsroom floor. Hers suck. His don’t.
The insult: “You are a smelly pirate hooker. Why don’t you go back to your home on Whore Island?”
Why it rules: Because women really should go back to their homes on Whore Island.

8. SEXY BEAST (2000)
The insulter: Don Logan (Ben Kingsley)
The situation: Nutcase Don is in Spain to convince retired gangster Gal to return to the UK for one more job. Gal likes the Spanish sun too much.
The insult: “You’re the problem! You’re the fucking problem you fucking Dr. White honkin’ jam-rag fucking spunk-bubble!”
Why it rules: Such filth coming from the mouth of Gandhi? Genius!

7. KISS KISS, BANG BANG (2005)
The insulter: Gay Perry (Val Kilmer)
The situation: Dumbass criminal and part-time investigator Harry Lockheart throws Perry’s gun into a lake without realising it is important evidence.
The insult: “Look up idiot in the dictionary. You know what you’ll find?” “No! The definition of the word ‘idiot’, which you fucking are!”
Why it rules: Second-guesses Harry (and the audience) with its logical brilliance.

6. A FISH CALLED WANDA (1988)
The insulter: Wanda Gershwitz (Jamie Lee Curtis)
The situation: Lust object Wanda puts it to Kevin Kline’s kidnapper Otto that he’s not as bright as he thinks he is.
The insult: “To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people. I’ve known sheep who could outwit you. I’ve worn dresses with higher IQs, but you think you’re an intellectual, don’t you, ape?”
Why it rules: It’s just one of many fine insults in a fantastically written movie.

5. PREDATOR (1987)
The insulter: Dutch (Arnold Schwarzenegger)
The situation: After a rumble in the jungle with his intergalactic enemy, Colonel Dutch finally comes face to face with the Predator and dashes his hopes for a snog.
The insult: “You’re one ugly motherfucker!”
Why it rules: No need for witty one-liners here: straight to the point and devastatingly brutal, even for an alien.

4. GET CARTER (1971)
The insulter: Jack Carter (Michael Caine)
The situation: Returning home to find his brother dead in mysterious circumstances, professional killer Jack re-introduces himself to the snivelling Eric.
The insult: “You know, I’d almost forgotten what your eyes looked like. Still the same. Pissholes in the snow.”
Why it rules: Try and stop thinking about it next time your girlfriend asks if you like her eyes.

3. GONE WITH THE WIND (1939)
The insulter: Rhett Butler (Clark Gable)
The situation: Having had all he can stand of Scarlett’s whinging and whimpering, Butler puts his bitch on ice.
The insult: “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn.”
Why it rules: Back in the 1930’s, this was worth a million ‘motherfuckers’.

2. MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL (1975)
The insulter: Taunting French Guard (John Cleese)
The situation: Atop his castle, the French guard pours scorn on King Arthur and his “silly kerrniggits”, spitting down vitriol like acid rain.
The insult: “I don’t wanna talk to you no more, you empty headed, animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.”
Why it rules: It’s hard to argue with that sort of reasoning. And he is French.

1. FULL METAL JACKET (1987)
The insulter: Gunnery Sgt. Hartman (R. Lee Ermey)
The situation: Tubster Private Pyle dares break a smile while having his hair dryed by his furious drill sergeant. What followed were the most brutal, most heartless and most downright hilarious insults in movie history. It’s almost impossible to pick one amongst a tirade that lasts several minutes (“You look like you could suck a golf ball through a garden hose,” “I didn’t know they stacked shit that high,” “Looks to me like the best part of you ran down your momma’s crack and ended up a brown stain on the mattress,” and so on) but pick one we had to…
The insult: “Did your parents have any children that lived?”
Why it rules: Breathtaking in its brevity, it’s an insult so devastating, the recipient kills himself later in the picture.

And the worst movie insult ever…

HAPPY GILMORE (1996)
The insulter: Shooter McGavin (Christopher McDonald)
The situation: The golf pro attempts to give amateur ball-smacker Happy a verbal beatdown, but fails.
The quote: “I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast.”
Why it sucks: The straight-faced reply of “You eat pieces of shit for breakfast?” leaves Shooter struggling for an adequate response. “No… I…” Man down. Man down.

Information from www.theshiznit.co.uk

Posted under Movie Reviews, Movies

Movie spaceships are legion, but which is the most awesome in the universe? We ranked the 10 best, completely subjectively. Some rules: We only drew from the movies (TV spaceships like the Battlestar Galactica — which is killer — and the Draconian Marauder from Buck Rogers don’t count), and we only included legitimate spacecraft. Flying cars and unmanned rockets don’t count. Turns out there are almost too many awesome spaceships to count, so we offer apologies in advance to the Borg cube, the Imperial Star Destroyer, the X-Wing Fighter, various other Star Trek and Star Wars tertiary ships, many many other cool movie cruisers, and umpteen flying saucers that just didn’t make the cut.
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10. Freaks (1932) Director: Tod Browning

“But for an accident of birth, you might be as they are.” Director Tod Browning delves into the depraved world of sideshow circus freaks to reveal that they have more humanity than the average asshole walking the streets. Favorite freak: Prince Randian, “the living torso” (pictured above). Runner-up: Johnny Eck, “the half-boy.” Freaks was based on the short story “Spurs” by Tod Robbins. Believe it or not, this masterpiece only runs for a total of 64 minutes! Also released as Forbidden Love, The Monster Show and Nature’s Mistakes. Sample Dialogue: “We accept you, one of us! Gooble gobble! Gooble gobble!”

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9. I Spit On Your Grave (1978) Director: Meir Zarchi

I always thought Halloween or Friday the 13th started the trend of “slasher films” that polluted the box office throughout the late ’70s and ’80s—that is until I watched this extremely low-budget flick about a writer who travels to a cabin in the woods, gets brutally assaulted by a bunch of hillbillies and then exacts her revenge using a series of rather creative methods—including hanging and castration. Also known as Day of the Woman. Sample Dialogue: “You know, sometimes I look at these gorgeous-looking chicks, I mean the ones that look like real knockouts, sexy and all . . . and I wonder . . . I wonder if they gotta take a shit, too.”

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8. El Topo (1970) Director: Alejandro Jodorowsky

Alejandro Jodorowsky’s totally bizarre, surrealistic masterpiece follows a gunfighter, El Topo (The Mole), as he makes his way through the desert and encounters one absurd situation after another in his search of enlightenment. One of the only films I’m aware of that has an armless, legless dwarf in the cast. Apparently, El Topo was one of John Lennon’s favorite films. David Lynch was also a big fan (see Eraserhead entry below). Jodorowsky once claimed, “I ask of cinema what most North Americans ask of psychedelic drugs.” Sample Dialogue: “Too much perfection is a mistake.”

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7. Audition (1999) Director: Takashi Miike

The friend of a lonely widower sets up a phony audition for a nonexistent film so the poor guy can find a new wife. He gets more than he bargained for – to say the least! Directed by Japanese filmmaker Takashi Miike, the film starts out as a traditional romantic drama but gradually devolves into a disturbingly graphic horror flick – definitely not for all tastes! Sample Dialogue: “Words create lies. Pain can be trusted.”

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6. A Clockwork Orange (1971) Director: Stanley Kubrick

Alex (Malcolm McDowell) and his “droogs” go out on the town to partake in a little of the old “ultra-violence.” Director Stanley Kubrick brings Anthony Burgess’ classic novel to life with this disturbing look at a future populated by teenage gangs. Look for McDowell’s stirring rendition of “Singin’ in the Rain.” Here’s what Kubrick said to counter the negative reaction voiced against the film’s violence: “Sanitized violence in movies has been accepted for years. What seems to upset everybody now is the showing of the consequences of violence.” Sample Dialogue: “What we were after now was the old surprise visit. That was a real kick and good for laughs and lashings of the old ultraviolence.”

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5. The Last House On The Left (1972) Director: Wes Craven

The Last House on the Left would make a great double feature with I Spit on Your Grave for the truly depraved movie fan of the over-the-top, sadistic, revenge-fantasy flick. Believe it or not, the film was reportedly inspired by Ingmar Bergman’s The Virgin Spring, which won an Oscar for Best Foreign Language Film in 1961! The Last House on the Left was directed by Wes Craven, who would go on to direct The Hills Have Eyes and A Nightmare on Elm Street. Sample Dialogue: “We don’t wanna off someone first night out. I mean, it’d be a shame to get this floor all messed up with blood.”

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4. Henry: Portrait Of A Serial Killer (1986) Director: John McNaughton

Based loosely on the life of convicted murderer Henry Lee Lucas, Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer follows roaming serial killer, Henry, and his demented buddy Otis, as they go on a random killing spree. Not a good movie to rent on a first date! Sample Dialogue: “If you shoot someone in the head with a .45 every time you kill somebody, it becomes like your fingerprint, see? But if you strangle one, stab another, and one you cut up and one you don’t, then the police don’t know what to do.”

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3. Salo Or The 120 Days Of Sodom (1975) Director: Pier Paolo Pasolini

Based on the infamous book, The 120 Days of Sodom by the Marquis de Sade, Salo contains its fair share of disturbing imagery and graphic violence. For this reason, it is still banned in some countries even to this day – good luck finding a copy! Director Pier Paolo Pasolini was brutally murdered shortly after the film’s release. Sample Dialogue: “We fascists are the only true anarchists.”

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2. Irreversible (2002) Director: Gaspar Noé

“Time destroys everything . . .” Extremely disturbing French film directed by Gaspar Noé, Irreversible features a revenge plot told in reverse chronological order (similar to Memento) – punctuated by extreme violence and a brutally graphic rape scene that runs approximately nine minutes. Sample Dialogue: “Vengeance is a human right.”

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1. Eraserhead (1977) Director: David Lynch

It took David Lynch, a former art student, five years to make Eraserhead, a curious blend of Kafkesque horror and Orwellian nightmare. Jack Nance portrays total loser Henry Spencer (a couple of years ago, I read that Nance was murdered during a fight at a donut shop). After viewing this film, you’ll know who served as the inspiration for fight promoter Don King’s unique hairstyle. Lynch once revealed in an interview that he had a chocolate shake at Bob’s Big Boy at 2:30 PM every day for seven years: “Two-thirty is Bob’s time . . . I can think there and draw on napkins and have my shake. Sometimes I have a cup of coffee and sometimes I have a small Coke. They both go great with shakes.” Sample Dialogue: “In Heaven, everything is fine. In Heaven, everything is fine. You’ve got your good things. And I’ve got mine.”

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Posted under Movies

It’s no secret that, traditionally, video games have crappy plots. It seems that more and more video games are full of Cliche protagonists, mixed with forgettable backdrops, and campy villains. There have been exceptions to the rule, and with the upcoming release of plot heavy games like Mass Effect and Bioshock, it seems that the gaming industry is making strides in the right direction. So what else can developers do to improve the entire game experience? Without hiring vast teams of writers, how can they portray a quality story? To find that answer, all they have to do is look towards the movie industry.
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